i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
