it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
