That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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