yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This baby is an asshole
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
