your parents love me but you hate me
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
