I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize