sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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