And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
