best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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