I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
