Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
ttyl tear gas
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
