Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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