It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
