I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
