how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I need moral support for this bender
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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