p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
