My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
