someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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