saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
