I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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