Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As shirtless as possible
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Randomize
