Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Green mimosas i think yes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
