There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
