I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My life is pants optional.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
