And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
