We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
