I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He shit in the fireplace
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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