Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
