Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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