Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
