At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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