I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
