I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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