He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
