when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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