dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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