My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
