She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
