Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
whose ass print is on the piano?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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