my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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