Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
