I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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