dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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