A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
