ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
