you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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