do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
