just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
