Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
