So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
