It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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