Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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