Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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