I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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