you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
