she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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