i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
