K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
