my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
