does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
