cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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