problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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