I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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