do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
