Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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