I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
