I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
